Have you ever seen a movie that made you want to fill your ears with super glue and gouge your eyes out with an ice pick? If so, and you are in fact deaf and blind, I would definitely recommend strolling down to your local Blockbuster and picking up a movie entitled "The Tomb," or "HP Lovecraft's The Tomb" to be more precise.
"The Tomb" begins in a large warehouse where an unknown villain has left a collection of victims in varying states of injury, to piece together his mysterious identity. This evil ring leader relays messages to the two main characters, a pretty, talentless blond and an overweight bald dude reminiscent of 'Kyle Gas,' through tape and video recordings. He goes by the alias "Puppetmaster" and watches his victims struggle via closed circuit surveillance. Sound familiar? Oh yeah, and there's a really creepy animatronic doll, although it just seems to be one of an endless amount of props set around the warehouse, with no purpose other than to distract you from the unbelievably bad acting and paper mache gore, and to help stretch a 30 minute "Saw"rip off into a full length feature.
In case you're not too keen on subtle sarcasm, "The Tomb" is one of the worst movies I have ever seen, and that's saying a lot since I've seen every film ever made by Wes Craven. However, despite this movie being a near perfect representation of the worst of the worst in B horror flicks, notice that I have not said that it is the worst I have ever seen, and that's because this movie does break away from the "Saw" path when the heroine escapes the warehouse and is given a car, a buttload of cash, and a manuscript. If you think that's a pretty surprising twist, wait 'til you find out that the maniac tracks down his only surviving victim to give her an ultimatum: Have sex with me or I take the goods back. Kinda makes you wonder what would have happened had the 'Kyle Gas' character survived...
I really have no problem giving this movie a 4.5/10 due to it's slow pace and overall amateur feeling, however one should keep in mind I would have rated it a 2.0 had it not been for the refreshingly original ending.
6 comments:
Have you ever seen a movie that made you want to fill your ears with super glue and gouge your eyes out with an ice pick? If so, and you are in fact deaf and blind, I would definitely recommend strolling down to your local Blockbuster and picking up a movie entitled "The Tomb,"
Ok I love your descriptive tone here! Made me laugh my ass off, the sarcasm was wonderful and very witty! Im glad I didnt waste my money on this film!
Ah, glad to see that the use of Lovecraft's name and stories to market films with hardly anything resembling the so-called "source material" continues long after the death of Vincent Price.
That ending almost makes me want to watch it...almost...
oooh, I have an anonymous blog reader! how exciting!
bodog,
There is something to do with a novel by HP Lovecraft, and want to take a guess as to what the manuscript at the end was called? I just didn't include that in my review because I never understood how it had anything to do with the plot. Maybe i should read the book.
Haha I work at a video store and I am always curious about this one b/c of Lovecraft, but after reading this review, I think I want to stay far from it. :)
Dear oh dear, this movie sounds dreadful. I think I might watch it though, but only so I can bash it in a review. :D
Post a Comment